MORE OF THE SAME

Nothing really new to report. Just continuing on as best I can. Pain medication messed me up with losing weight - makes me retail water. So back to just Advil. Sleep has been a little better and I'm hoping for more of the same with that. We'll probably go out to see Mom early part of next week. I don't want to get involved with Barbara if I can help it. My psyche is much to fragile for that right now. I'll probably stay for a couple of days (til Wed. and then A & N will pick me up). Might be a nice break and I'll keep my mother company, if nothing else. GOD WILLING I will succeed in my attempts to better myself and my health.

STRUGGLING

Yesterday was definitely not my best day as far as the diet. Lunch had far too many points so that I had very few left over for the rest of the day. I guess that's what the extra 35 weekly points are there for but I don't like to use them (go figure!). I'm finding that when I get tired my sweet tooth becomes insatiable - ate FF ice cream, chocolate and sugar-free pudding for desert. Oh well, today's another day, another new beginning. At least I'm sticking with the rest of my plan as far as alcohol and vitamin regiment are concerned. Nicole comes back from Florida later today - seems like she just left. I'm so glad they've had a good time. Can't wait to hear all about it. Time to get on with the rest of my day. GOD WILLING it will be a good one! Mom's home from hospital and I hope she can get herself on some sort of program to lose weight. I think it's critical as it is for me.

CONTINUING THE WALK

I'm feeling a little better this morning (physically) but very anxious and worried about the future. A and I went to dinner last night and talked some about things that are bothering me in our relationship and in our lives. Nicole is in FL hopefully having a great time and the weather here is freezing. If I ever didn't feel like going out, I really don't feel like it now. Mom's still in the hospital for more tests and if she's not coming home by tomorrow, we'll take a trip over to see her. I wish I could wave a magic wand and all this excess weight would drop off but I know that's not going to happen. Only strong determination and fortitude will make that happen but I KNOW I will feel soooo much better in all ways once it starts to come off and goes down, down, down. Joint pain, fatigue, back pain, everything will diminish as the weight does. All this is GOD WILLING!!!!

WALKING THE WALK

It's January 12 and Nicole is off to Florida (Disney World) with her faithful friend Lou. Just got a call from their layover in Washington DC. I'm so happy that she decided to go after having a few moments of doubt about the money. I think I live vicariously through her and want only the best for her. 23 is (or should be) a great time. I was recovering from my stupid self-caused accident at that age. I have got to stop living in past regrets but I don't know how. I'm really committed to trying to do better with that and all other aspects of my life. This is where I am - 54 should be a good time too but I feel so lousy both mentally and physically that it's hard. I need to find a way out of this black hole I've dug myself into.
I'm really glad mom is in the hospital to find out what's wrong once and for all, I hope. Barbara is like a thorn in my side more and more. Her attitude is so annoying. Some how I need to come to terms with my feelings of animosity and focus on positive feelings. GOD WILLING I WILL!!!

GETTING STARTED 2009

One week into 2009. I can hardly believe it. Time is going so fast!! This is the year I get healthy - physically, mentally and spiritually. No kidding around - this is not a dress rehearsal. This is my life and it's time to claim it and get busy living instead of living in regret for what might have been. I'm both excited and scared but I will forge on. I need to know what's happening in every part of my life. I owe that to myself and to Anthony and Nicole. God willing, I will do this. That is my vow.